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求改托福作文一篇,评个分Whatchangeswillthe21stcenturybring?Peopleseldomagreewitheachothersonsuchsubjectivequestionthathardlycanwefindanoptimalperspectivetoconvinceall.Somepeoplebelieveitisfreshviewsornewel
更新时间:2024-04-20 15:52:58
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求改托福作文一篇,评个分

Whatchangeswillthe21stcenturybring?Peopleseldomagreewitheachothersonsuchsubjectivequestionthathardlycanwefindanoptimalperspectivetoconvinceall.Somepeoplebelieveitisfreshviewsornewelementsofideologywillplayakeyroleinthenewcentury,fortheassimilateeffectsofglobalization.However,somepeoplemaintainthatthechangesinenvironmentwillbemostnotable,sincewehavedamageourcircumstancesomuch,andgradually,peoplerealizestheimportanceofenvironment.Thisopinionjustcoincidewiththatofmine.

LifewithoutgoodenvironmentjustlikestheGardenofEdenwithoutgloriousflower.Peoplecaneasilyproducemachinetosimplifyourlives,buthardlytomakeourearthbecamewhatitwas.Theproblemwearefacingisthatourqualityoflivesisdeclined,andwehavetodosomethingwithit.Currently,wesee,Carsismakingpoisonsforflowersandfosterswhilefactoriesisproducingkillerstobirdsandfishes.Nevercanwedenytheeffectsthatourenvironmentwasdevastated.Everyvacation,myfamilyhastogotomountain,ifwewanttoseestarsandbreathnormalair.ThankstoGod,peoplerealizetheresultofourproblematicdevelopment,andisundergoingtherelativeworks.

Anotherreasonisthattheoutcomesofthe“non-environmentalfriendly”developmentnotonlyconcernthesurroundingsofdailylife,butalsojeopardizethereallylifeitselfofpeople.Suchastheoldandtheyoung,themostvulnerablepart.Resistingharmfulemissionsisn'taeasytaskfortheirbody.Afterall,it’sbadfornormalpeopleaswell.Ontheotherhand,somestrangediseases,astheresultofthat,appearmuchmorefrequentlythaneversince.Ergo,doachangeinenvironmentisn'tsomecanbewaited,butsomethingemergent!

Asmentionedabove,environment,inmyview,ismostlikelytobebroughtinthisnewcentury.Ibelievethatenvironmentshouldbesomethingofpeople,bypeople,andforpeople,andIbelievethatthechangewillcomesoon.

柳荣其回答:
  我觉得这篇作文很不错.   我个人能提炼出以下几点:   观点方面   论点:21世纪的重要改变将会是环境   分论点1:人们需要好环境   例子:城市环境污染度假需要到山里去   分论点2:环境现状给人类带来的伤害   例子:人类健康受到疾病侵害   应该说例子是能够支持论点的.   语言方面:   我觉得文笔上很不错,感觉得出是精写的.不会成为被扣分的理由.   建议:   1)开头比较平淡,尝试下反问句吧,我觉得很好用...吸引读者.   2)第一个分论点最好再写明确一点.   3)最后那个ofbyfor我觉得吧未必一定要用...想用名句可以换一句嘛,这句有点生硬...   我个人YY一个分数的话   假设你Indipendentwriting满分   作文应该能有27或28朝上
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